Supersonic Overdrive

Song: Le Disko...Shiny Toy Guns

Start feeling shitty, go make a blog post.

I've been on a sort of life high for the past few days. I started reading about astral projection and feeling really spiritually driven to find something, do something, strengthen myself. Now, as I've just come home from an exhausting and irritating closing shift after yesterday's ten hours, I'm feeling something of a comedown. I hope that it's just the slight lack of sleep coupled with the unusually large amount of hours I've been working lately.

I haven't been able to have a lucid dream for a while, and that frustrates me more than a little but not extremely. Patience, on a larger scale, is something I have to work on. I need to get more sleep so that my brain has less recuperation to do during sleep. And here I am, blogging when I have to get up at seven tomorrow.

There have been a lot of thoughts lately running through my brain that are so recurring it's annoying and tiring just to think them. "DO NOT eat that." "Don't dwell on it, it's done. Move on." Over and over, as I continue to eat and eat, and dwell and dwell. So often I feel like a failure not in the world, but to myself. And you know, I think that's just as bad, if not worse. I consider myself to be at least relatively secure about my physical self, but actually liking myself as a person inside, or, dare I say it, loving myself, seems so...impossible.

If anybody has got any resources or anything relating to Buddhism, astral projection, etc. I would really appreciate if you'd share it with me. I need something to cling to. I don't want to think about dying all the time again. It's been a nice little while without that.

Shit, why am I crying again? I need to go to bed.

Someone give me something to write about next time besides my goddamn self.

Don't Drop That Thun Thun Thun

I just want to smoke and dance myself into oblivion.

I'm not actually listening to Don't Drop That Thun Thun by Finatticz. We were dancing to it at work.

I don't really know why I decided to blog tonight. LOL I JUST TYPED BLOW INSTEAD OF BLOG BY ACCIDENT HAHAH BLOW GET IT LIKE WHAT YOU DO TO GET A BALLOON FILLED UP WITH AIR

I'm in that mood where I feel an intense desire to make something beautiful. I always think of all these beautiful things that can't be realized due to lack of funds and skill and time.

If you could have one thing for yourself, one wish just for you, not "end world hunger" or "make the people I love truly happy", but something just directly yours, what would you have? I would be in movies. I'd be the beautiful thing I always want to create.

On a completely different note, I really would like to try hallucinogenic drugs at some point in my life. The draw I feel to them is so strong and so much more than just looking to get high and see pretty colors. I want to discover things about the world. I want to open myself up, let the universe into my mind and fully expose myself to what it wants me to understand. Connection to the very earth we stand on...connection to every interdependent strand of existence.

Swiggity swee-em-tee I'm comin' for that DMT. -_-

That being said, I feel drained and confused in my present and feeble state of mind. Today my being is quiet and I am yearning for something I don't comprehend.