Don't Drop That Thun Thun Thun

I just want to smoke and dance myself into oblivion.

I'm not actually listening to Don't Drop That Thun Thun by Finatticz. We were dancing to it at work.

I don't really know why I decided to blog tonight. LOL I JUST TYPED BLOW INSTEAD OF BLOG BY ACCIDENT HAHAH BLOW GET IT LIKE WHAT YOU DO TO GET A BALLOON FILLED UP WITH AIR

I'm in that mood where I feel an intense desire to make something beautiful. I always think of all these beautiful things that can't be realized due to lack of funds and skill and time.

If you could have one thing for yourself, one wish just for you, not "end world hunger" or "make the people I love truly happy", but something just directly yours, what would you have? I would be in movies. I'd be the beautiful thing I always want to create.

On a completely different note, I really would like to try hallucinogenic drugs at some point in my life. The draw I feel to them is so strong and so much more than just looking to get high and see pretty colors. I want to discover things about the world. I want to open myself up, let the universe into my mind and fully expose myself to what it wants me to understand. Connection to the very earth we stand on...connection to every interdependent strand of existence.

Swiggity swee-em-tee I'm comin' for that DMT. -_-

That being said, I feel drained and confused in my present and feeble state of mind. Today my being is quiet and I am yearning for something I don't comprehend.

The Best

I feel like there is this little part deep inside me that is content with the present and excited, hopeful, and optimistic about the future. It's just bogged down by regret and wishing for things and hating myself.
That being said, I would like to share my last couple of days with everyone, because they were great.

On Thursday, Jake came over which would have made the day by itself. But he had told me we were going on a date and wouldn't tell me where. So, he shows up looking absolutely lovely and takes me to walk around downtown Ann Arbor. We went in a bunch of vintage/hipster/vintage shops and the bomb-assest 7/11 I've ever been in, as well as a two story CVS. We found another, better record store where we both found a bunch of things we liked and ended up buying a Mono vinyl (for him) and a Young the Giant vinyl (for me). We ended the  with Five Guys burgers and fries. After we got back, we listened to the aforementioned vinyls in the hot tub room and took a walk, all while having serious conversations about our lives. The next day we went to Ypsi, walked around EMU campus and took pictures. We got Subway on the way home and watched Dexter before he had to leave for work.

That all may not sound remarkable to you, but I haven't been that happy for that solid amount of time in a very long time. It was so nice.

I love you.