The Light At The End Is Brighter Than It Used To Be

Song: Brighter...Patent Pending

So, there's been some big things going on personally lately. For one, I painted my nails today and the color is freaking amazing. I know, huge.

But honestly, there has to be some kind of mental and/or spiritual change going on inside me. Last Wednesday I had a 4.5 hour clinic shift. It sucked, as usual. I really dislike being in the clinic. I've known that since I started.

What I did realize clearly at the end of said shift, however, is the fact that I do not want to be a massage therapist.

 I just don't. It doesn't make me happy, plain and simple. I was "good at it" in the beginning but the fact of the matter is that now, I'm not. My touch is still good, I have no doubt about that. I can make someone feel really good. But I haven't advanced farther than energy and relaxation. And that alone does not make me happy anymore. I'm far, far from passionate about any of it. Helping people is awesome, but there are so many things about this business that I don't enjoy and that don't fulfill my... I don't even know what, but they're not fulfilling. The revelation in itself isn't indicative of this internal change, but the way I handled it. As soon as I realized it, I was okay with it. I just accepted it. I learned what I didn't want to do. It sucks, but the journey was a valuable one. I learned a new skill, but more importantly, I learned through massage school how important my own spiritual development is to me. I've begun the process of finding myself with a good foundation.

So what now?

I finish out the program. I plug away until February, take the certification exam, and finish. Continue working my minimum wage job that I actually LOVE, that DOES make me happy (and yes, I've gotten over the fact that it's pretty meaningless and inconsequential in the grand scheme of life and the world), do some relaxation  massage on the side as outcalls and such, and uh...yeah. I don't know. Save up for the next thing. Go to Specs Howard? Work my way up in Panera? Continue on in Feng Shui? There are all kinds of possibilities. For now I'll just go with the flow and hope that can get me financially to where I need to be in six months. If it doesn't, I'll have no choice but to move back to the W with my mom and sister, which is a whole other thing in itself). I could be scared, but if that does happen, it'll be another part of the journey to go along with. Another happening to change me and help me grow.

Life, man. You know?

Thanks for listening.